© Salahdeen Technologies 2021. All rights reserved.
Learn about events by clicking here.
January 6, 2023
Some people may be hesitant about attending matrimonial events, because they do not see the value or reasoning behind them. Others may intend to attend events, but don't know why they're necessary.
This article will identify some matrimonial issues we deal with in modernity and why we believe events are part of the solution.
Before we talk about matrimonial events, lets discuss the ideal. Ideally, every marriage is done through social connections- meaning your family, community circle and close friends utilize their social network to help find suitable potential “matches” based on your profile and requirements. Involving the Wali is easier; reference checks are quick and the process will likely be more Halal and less stressful overall- if done correctly.
You may realize your contacts aren’t sufficient- either you lack the contacts entirely or your requirements exceed any connection your contacts could provide. This could be the case for reverts; recent immigrants; international students; families with small social circles; or highly specific requirements.
Upon realizing they may have insufficient contacts- many people become confused on how to fill that gap. Ideally, your contacts should have been developed organically over the span of years- way before you intended to get married. That would have been enough time to determine religiosity and reliability of those contacts- and not necessarily consider them directly for marriage, but perhaps utilize their sub-contacts in your search.
Some were hoping their ideal match would suddenly appear at their door, without having developed any contacts.
Time is ticking and you realized your lack of contacts perhaps a bit late.
Start building those real-life contacts through your parents, local mosques, volunteering at charities, family friends, friends, etc. Ideally, these new contacts will be the way to facilitate your marriage- if not your own marriage, at least they may help someone else or your future children insha Allah.
Do not panic or resort to Haram ways to increase contacts- Shaytan may give waswasa (whispers) to engage in gender-mixing, but if that was the solution, Non-Muslims wouldn't have any trouble with marriage.
Often, reality is contradictory to our hopes, dreams and desires- this includes how we plan on getting married, marriage requirements and marriage expectations. For example- who could have predicted that COVID lockdowns would take away 2 years of people’s search? If you have an idealistic scenario played out in your head on how your marriage process will occur, did you evaluate if your expectations are in line with reality?
Your biodata doesn't tell the full story. Submitting your biodata to matchmaking services (including us) is helpful for some, but most people don't receive justice that way. Most matchmaking services do not respect your privacy, causing personal information to exist online forever. Seeing constant profiles causes people to have difficulty choosing, due to the “choice paradox” (more choices = difficult decision). Many may not consider each other through it alone- even though both may actually be compatible in real life.
You may get a few decent “matches” this way, but with time, you realize that your quality of matches are actually decreasing.
There is also the possibility that your strict criteria is not realistic in the first place.
There is no shortage of Haram dating apps (some advertised as “Muslim”) allowing people to communicate with Non-Mahram strangers (text and video), not involve the Wali, view “beautified” Non-Mahram photos and facilitate in-person 1-on-1 dates with Non-Mahrams. In general, they usually leave people more frustrated than before.
Aside from the non-serious nature of most users (on a non-serious app), almost no Islamic guidelines are followed.
In light of these problems, we realized there are short-term and long-term solutions.
In the long-term, developing social contacts should be a priority, especially for younger candidates or parents with young children. This solution should be emphasized by those seeking to make the process as Halal as possible and for those with major modesty concerns. Also, we need to be educated on realistic marriage criteria and implement ways to improve the aspects of our profiles that can be changed. Read our article on determining if your criteria is realistic.
One of the short-term solutions to facilitate marriages are matrimonial events, which are used to boost people’s social network.
Network with relatively compatible people you may never otherwise meet
Access to a reliable, simple, cheap & safe environment
Families / Wali / Guardians can attend to speed up assessment process
We put in effort to keep things Halal
Your body language, personality & manners can shine
We do an initial assessment of all candidates upon registration.
Build confidence in the matrimonial process & realize your actual criteria beyond a superficial level
Candidates from different cities, provinces and even countries attend- breaking location barriers
Realize where you can make personal improvements
We make events for different demographics to increase likeihood of more matches (age, ethnicity, etc.)
Read testimonials to see what people say.
We never facilitate nor encourage candidates to have 1-on-1 private meetings (dating) at our events. Communication must always be done in the presence of either a group, a chaperone (our coordinator), a Wali or a Guardian.
This isn’t to burden people unnecessarily- these are safety precautions to ensure that communication is performed in as Halal a way as possible at our events.
"Verily, every religion has a character and the character of Islam is modesty." - Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him)
We realize some people may be shy to speak in front of others (even in front of their own Guardian). Contrary to modern norms, modesty and shyness- especially with regards to the opposite gender- are virtues and attractive qualities in a spouse. They can be maintained at the event by dressing Islamically, averting the gaze (for men and women), limiting interactions to what is absolutely necessary for initial assessment of the opposite gender, not “flirting” or excessively joking, involving the Wali of the female candidate, involving your family (for male and female), exchanging the Wali’s number (instead of each others) for further assessment, etc.
The venue is in a secure, accessible location and is only sent to confirmed paid attendees to protect their privacy. We also vet candidates’ applications before approving. Involving the Wali is important in making it safe Islamically for everyone.
Perhaps a little- but we can see it in a positive light Alhamdulillah. Being too comfortable is the opposite extreme, which is more likely to lead to Haram. Maybe we have been conditioned to an standard of “non-awkwardness” with regards to marriage as a result of movies, novels, gender-mixed schooling, gender-mixed workspaces, etc? Feeling uncomfortable around Non-Mahram members of the opposite gender means that our sense of modesty and shyness is still intact.
No- as there’s too many factors. We try our best to create an environment where matches can occur, by lining up as many factors as possible. Generally, a decent percentage of people will leave the event with a good potential match, insha Allah. Those that don’t find someone suitable should keep working on long-term and short-term solutions, while re-evaluating whether their criteria is realistic in the first place.
There are long-term and short-term solutions towards marriage. A decent short-term solution for those lacking adequate social networks is to attend matrimonial events- provided they are hosted with Islamic principles in mind.
Learn about events by clicking here.
© Salahdeen Technologies 2021. All rights reserved.